think whatever you want boy

the fact is you hurt me... you hurt me more than anyone ever could have...

you didn't think about things you just lied and lied and lied...

you let me believe there was a future when you had already decided there was not...

you fucking ran away from an issue...

which is all you have ever done in your life... you don't like things or life gets tough so you pack up and leave... i don't know why i ever thought i was the one thing you wouldn't leave... silly me...

how many times did you move back and forth between here and there... you moved here to be with me... you moved away because you were stressed... you moved back because you were unhappy with your job... you became unhappy with your job/home life so you left again... you told me the other day if things don't work out there your are going to leave there too... what are you running from... yourself? you realize the common denominator every time you've had an issue is you!!  you can't run away from yourself no matter how hard you try... you need to try and learn to be happy with what you got instead if always wanting more....

truth is...

I loved you more than anyone
I cared for you more than anyone
I would have done anything for you & gone anywhere with you
You were my family
You were my life
I was always there for you no matter what

So believe whatever you want... yes im pissed... yes if i talk to you i will tell you that... you fucking hurt me so fucking learn to deal with it!

I didn't do anything to deserve to be treated the way you treated me so and I hope one day you realize how you hurt me!

Love is all you need?

I want to be mad but I am just so sad... stressed?  I know stress can cause illness and I feel physically ill... I feel like throwing up...

how can you tell me you love me but then say you are basically going to ignore your feelings to see if you get over them... ugh!!

I don't even have words to describe how I feel right now...

Still just sitting around confused and lost... I keep doing my happy things but they aren't making me happy... okay well they make me happy for a little bit but then I want to tell him or share stories of my day with him and then all the happy things that happened in my day just make me so sad...

I guess I am just a hopeless romantic and I guess that is why I can't understand why if two people love eachother they can't make it work... Love is all you need... right...?

weird feeling

I still feel the exact same way I did when we were together... shouldn't I feel different... the only thing that is different is I get upset when I can't share happy news with him but other than that I just feel like he is away somewhere and that I am just waiting... I dunno... I'm am working on moving on and not dwelling on the past and somedays it is hard but I dunno... day by day I guess...

just a quote

just part of a quote I heard and thought it was appropriate

'a lot of good things happen in a relationship and a lot of stuff you wouldn't wish on an enemy'

is this real

is this real? is this meant to be?

are we meant to be? did we need a break to figure things out? will we ever work anything out?

yes, no, maybe so... no one knows what the future will bring... I just hope I get back to being happy like I was with you... miss you..

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight

if we were to talk, you'd be in absolute shock, of the shit I would say

I am starting to feel like everything was a lie... how can he say he cared and loved me when he was always looking for something better behind my back? if he loved me and cared he would have never done that right? if he still loved me and cared like he says he wouldn't still be talking to those girls right? if he cares he needs to prove it if he doesn't he needs to tell me he doesn't and stop playing around with my head...

why?

why do I want to be with you
when you are so untrue

you made me hurt
you told me lies

so many times have I cried

you were on the lookout
for something new

blonder, thinner,
smarter too?

so many times you had something to hide

you made me feel
like I was no good

I couldn't keep your attention
like a girlfriend should

so many times you had to lie





so throughout our entire relationship he was always trying to meet new girls and flirt with girls and ask them for naked pictures and tell them he didn't have a girlfriend... no shit I didn't feel good... no shit I wasn't comfortable with you... if I didn't do something right I was worried you go call one of those girls! You made me feel worthless and I hate that I didn't stand my ground! I hate that I tried to ignore it! I hate that I tried to pretend it wasn't true. I had seen the proof so many times but yet I tried to deny... you said you cared about me but those actions showed me you didn't... so why do I try and look past those to see the good...

why do guys play a girl for years? what do they get out of it?